Everyone in life has a conviction. For example, there always those who suffer for love, who have financial problems, who can not find good friends. There are convictions and sentences of various levels such as Dante's circle.
My conviction, one of the most persistent in truth, was born when I was a child, the first day of school during the appeal. The teacher called us by name and last, getting to know us a bit '. Six years is normal apostrophised come with the diminutive, but remember that other children were Julia, Sonia, Marco, Stefano, Federica. I was Danielino.
Nothing bad, though. I was the lowest and the thinner of the class, a frog: the diminutive there was everything. Nevertheless, I was trembling inside, a hint of indignation which I did not give a name yet.
In the next 5 years things have not changed much, and I arrived at the threshold of the eleven years that mark branded on the skin. Yes, because I suffered from that diminutive. Without realizing it, I felt that I relegated to the ranks of a life in half.
"Danielino" Carrying my biggest fear, and my biggest problem: no one noticed me, my presence was anything but bulky, my role, to its maximum allowed, it could only be to his shoulder. I did not exist outside of myself I was nothing. But my inner life was a giant, more reason to want to show. If I were to like my little body, if that was enough for me, maybe I would not have so much hatred inside. But I was screaming to get out, and I could not do it, because I was always and only Danielino.
I went to grade school and the situation worsened. I had the misfortune to find a good technical education teacher, funny, intelligent and brilliant, of which mi innamorai all'istante; lui, che forse aveva percepito la mia adorazione per lui, la ricambiava, ma come un padre vuole bene alla propria figlioletta. Non era quello che volevo, ma lui non lo sapeva: mi prendeva in braccio, mi cullava, mi riempiva di baci paterni. Stessa cosa accadde col mio compagno di banco, per cui presi una cotta spaventosa: nessuno poteva vedere in me qualcosa di diverso dalla Danielina che sembravo.
Negli stessi anni ebbi la malaugurata idea di iscrivermi a un corso di danza classica: lì nessuno mi conosceva, non avevo un retaggio che mi pesasse sulle spalle. Potevo essere chiunque.
Ma una condanna è una condanna: sin dalla prima lezione, l'insegnante mi apostrofò con l'odiato diminutivo, a no one, and I say nobody, dared to rebel, let alone me: my pain I took her into the bowels, nothing transpired from the outside.
For the record, ten years after I returned to sign up there with the same teacher: when he saw me he recognized me immediately, hugged me and called me Danielino. A 10 to 20 years as there was no difference.
Even the summer when I went on vacation, the group of friends in which I began to integrate myself did not have much imagination. There was no alternative? No one ever called me in a different way. Then when it happened unfortunately that there was another group Daniela, there had never doubt who was and who Danielino Daniela. I began to curse my parents for giving me saddled with that name so easy to be upset. But the fault was not theirs.
arrived there at least high school and the teachers called me by name. Another thing that I hated, but I could leave room for doubt. I rocked the illusion for a few months until the prof. history, dude rimorchione lamp and, in his urge to make fun began to call us by name. I will spare you the rest. I was Danielino questions, to meals, and even the janitor for alternates who remained only a week. I had no way out, enough that people look at me because my decreed epithet.
The funniest thing was that my then best friend, whose name was Claudia, was Claudiona call. For those who reads this blog since he was born, I want to clarify that this is the one that has a trumpet for years the man who loved her without telling me. Now, of course, is no longer my friend. But by the time our marriage feast day was a clear expression of our relationship: usurping Ina Ona and his life, stood upon my ruin, had understood my problem and took advantage of, needed a shoulder to take character and nothing was more suitable than a diminutive to do so.
college things improved: the atmosphere was so impersonal that it seemed too short for a confidential. However, in every human relationship at the problem from happening again. I started to make me delle domande: da cosa dipendeva?
Sono minuta fisicamente, senza dubbio. 1,60 x 45 chili (42 d'inverno) possono giustificare un'Ina, anche se conosco molte ragazze più bassine e più magroline di me. Ho la vocina da bimba, qualcuno mi disse. Poteva dipendere anche da questo. Tuttavia non ero del tutto convinta.
Proprio in quel periodo di riflessioni ci fu un episodio che confermò i miei dubbi: all'epoca ascoltavo sempre Radio Rock Italia, una propaggine di Radio Rock nata da non molti anni. Ero così fissata che conoscevo ormai tutte le dj e spesso scrivevo sms per richiedere la mia musica preferita. Ovviamente le dj non conoscevano me: non mi avevano mai visto nè avevano mai sentito la mia voce. L'unica cosa che could know about me was extracted from SMS, who signed strictly DANIELA. But in the SMS requires only songs.
Once I requested a song by De Andre, I do not remember which one. On the microphone there was a certain Octavia, I still remember. He read the messages as usual when my turn came and put a song request. After the song, he said my name. The name I had written the message was obviously Daniela. But she called me Daniela. Yes, that's what I think, called me Danielino! DA-NI-E-LI-NA.
It was then that I realized: this is not to be skinny, or Bassini, or have resigned expression, sweet and submissive. This is not the shrill voice. This is my essence, that something which, loved or hated it, I can not do without, simply because it is part of me. I will be Danielino to death, and maybe even the engraver of my tombstone added by mistake, but I'll know that it is a mistake, those two extra letters. It's in my DNA, they say my fingerprints. Danielino are, now and for ever and ever.
PS This post was born of a comment by Baol . I do not say anything you read in person. Here .
PPS On Air Care, Franco Battiato
